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forgive

Quotes:
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. – Tony Robbins

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. - Mahatma Gandhi

You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well. - Lewis B. Smedes

When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future. -Bernard Meltzer

When you choose to forgive those who have hurt you, you take away their power. – Unknown

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Affirmations:
I forgive you. I release you. I wish you the best. I send you love.

I let go of the hope that the past can be any different.

I know the past HAS happened. I am free from its drama and its pain.

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Blog:
We all know the saying, “You can’t change the past.” And while this statement is obviously true, it doesn’t always feel very helpful.

It’s like, “Well, duh. Obvi.”

I know I can’t change the past. I can’t change the past just like I can’t change the number of days in the week (I’ve always felt like there should be 8), another person (if you are trying to change someone – stop), or the fact that for some reason God felt like I should be a brunette (It just doesn’t make any sense — really God?).

But that hasn’t always stopped me from wanting to. We all, at some point, have wished that we could take back the hurtful words, the painful memories, or the regret of the past. We have all experiences moments where our hearts were disregarded or we carelessly disregarded someone else’s heart.

You know you can’t change the past, but you still feel the hurt.

I remember several years ago I was struggling with this concept: big time. I had been in therapy for well over a year and I felt like I was just circling over the same issue over and over and over. Yes, I hurt. Yes, they hurt me. Yes, I can’t change it. SO NOW WHAT? I was so tired of dealing with it and “working through it” that I could scream. ((And y’all know I believe in therapy — obvi… I’m a therapist now.)) I am sure the therapist was just letting me be in the process, but OMG I could not have sat with that pain one more second.

As always, as I endured and continued to engage in the process of healing, the Universe brought me what I needed. I was driving in the car. I had a little children in the back seat (shout out to all the nannies & moms in the world — raising babies is hard work) and Oprah radio was on. And what I heard changed my absolute life.

The expert on the show suggested that those struggling with the past regard it as something that “HAS happened. Not just as something “that happened” but something “that HAS happened.”

I remember it struck me like a knife. “Has happened.” If it has happened then… it’s over. It’s done. It is gone. It already happened. It can’t hurt me anymore. The expert-guy went on to say, “Unforgiveness is holding on to the hope that the past could have been any different.”

And my life was changed.

I now know a moment like that to called a Quantum-Shift which just means a moment where a piece of information or insight changes everything. You have a major shift in perception. You see everything differently.

That moment opened me up. I was able to see that I was holding on to hope for something that could never be. The past can not be different. Being sad, angry, or resentful could not help me or protect me. Nothing could be done to change any of it.

I know y’all have heard the saying the unforgiveness is like pointing a gun at yourself hoping it hurts someone else — or something like that. Unforgiveness is intended to get back at the other person and/or protect yourself, but it does neither. Unforgiveness causes you to keep people out. It causes you to build a wall up around you. And with every one else on the other side of the wall, you don’t just reduce the changes of being hurt, but you reduce the chances of experiencing love, joy, and gratitude too.

After my Quantum-Shift moment, I was able to forgive. And not only forgive, but eventually empathize. I remember sitting at a cafe in New York eating a really great salad and writing in my new journal a few weeks later and found myself feeling sad for them. Realizing that they had a life and many painful experiences that led them to treating me like they did, made me hurt for them.

It’s hard to stay resentful toward someone who you feel sad for.

The only thing I felt after that was the hope that they would heal and find a better way.

I actually felt hope for their healing. I wanted the best for them.

So if you are thinking, “Uh. Yeah, good for you, but that doesn’t really help me.” Then I have a few pieces of advice.

1. Become willing to forgive. 
You may effing hate that idiot, but when you let the Universe/God/Yourself know you are willing to forgive, you will be given the steps. My steps were therapy, Oprah radio, and a great salad in the Meat Packing District. The Universe will work with what you got.

2. Integrate this info. 
Say it with me: I has happened. It is over. It is in the past. They can’t hurt me now, because I am stronger now. I know better now. I don’t need now what I needed then. I let it go.

3. Release them. 
Oh girl, I promise you, your mantra for the rest of your life when you are feeling hurt: “I forgive you. I release you. I wish you the best. I send you love.” It may sting a little to say it at first ;) It will get easier.

 

So maybe It doesn’t matter if your childhood could have been different, if your last relationship could have been different, if that principal, teacher, parent, coach, love, best-friend, or boss could have been different. Not because you don’t deserve the best (you absolutely totally do!) It doesn’t matter simply because it’s over.

All you can do from here is forgive, release, lear your lesson, let go, and move the eff on.

You don’t need closure. You don’t need an apology. You don’t need the person to right the wrong.

Those things won’t help.

As my therapist back then used to say, “No one can do for you now, what they didn’t do for you then.” You don’t need them now like you needed them then. Even if they could do now what they didn’t then… it wouldn’t help.
I suspect that as you let go of the hopeless hope that the past can still change, you’ll be able to focus on TODAY. And tomorrow. And the next day.

Maybe you’ll be able to live in the here and now, enjoy what you’ve got and loving how far you’ve come.

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Letting go of the past & living bigger than ever,

Amanda Frances

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Amanda Frances McKinney is a life-coach, blogger, and psychotherapist. It is her passion to use her education, personal experience, and spiritual practices to contribute to the growth and happiness of others. Her blog, amandafrances.com, was created as a space where her passions of spirit, self-love and style are celebrated. Through her blog and her life-coaching practice, Amanda Frances International, she pursues these endeavors. Amanda has a Masters of Science in Counseling from Southern Methodist University and is currently in pursuit of a PhD. She has been featured twice in InStyle Magazine. She is a self proclaimed self-love junkie, yogi, fashionista and international traveler. Learn more: amandafrances.com/coaching

 

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{ loving yourself at any & every size}

{ loving yourself at any & every size}

ashley-250

 

 

 

 

 

by health & confidence coach,
Ashley Donovan

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Quotes: 

“Weight measures your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It does not give you an overall picture of muscle mass, body fat, inches lost, etc. It especially can not measure your worth, beauty or health. Keep in mind that weight is just a number.” - Amanda Frances (via this post)

“Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life… Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!” - Steve Maraboli

“The human body is the best work of art.” - Jess C. Scott

“Your problem is you’re … too busy holding onto your unworthiness.” 
- Ram Dass

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

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Affirmations:

I am enough because I am.

I am beautiful. I am strong. I am woman.

I embrace my uniqueness. I do not try to squish myself into a mold. I love me the way I am.

 

 

love yourself

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Blog:

My palms are a bit sweaty just thinking about writing this to you. As much as I talk about loving my body and loving myself no matter what the size announcing to the world what my size actually is, feels horrifying. It’s a strange thing though because anyone that has met me clearly can see my body – so why am I so afraid to just say what size it is?

Here’s the thing – I have this belief that in order to be a good health coach I need to be a size 2. I’m finally admitting to myself that being a size 2 will never be in my future. I’ve never been a size 2 – never. I’m not sure it’s physically possible.

I’ve realized that I am so much happier at the size I am now – a size 10 – then I’ve ever been at an 8 or my thinnest at a size 6. Why? Because every time I’ve been a size 8 or size 6 I’ve starved myself or have otherwise been very unhealthy about getting there. I’ve also been obsessed about being “there” (a certain size) than actually enjoying my life.

Being comfortable in my skin, eating out with friends and family on special occasions, having a happy and meaningful life means so much more to me than my pant size. 

I have let the fact that I am a size 10 health coach hold me back. This fear has actually stopped me from taking action on something I am extremely passionate about.

I’m thankful for this. It has driven me to learn as much as I can about excess weight, weight loss and emotional eating. I’ve learned that excess weight has nothing to do with calories in, calories out. I’ve learned so much about the divine feminine as a way to weight loss. I’ve learned about having a pleasurable life as being the only kind to live. Without what I viewed as being a weight problem, I would never have come to learn or explore these things. I might have spent the rest of my life much like I’ve spent it for the last 15 years or so – criticizing my body, judging it, feeling like it’s wrong, obsessing about being a different size, wishing my body was different and hating that it wasn’t. The anger and disgust I have felt towards the size and shape of my body makes me oh so sad. We women and now men feel like we have to be a certain size to feel any sense of loving kindness and self worth.

I think about all of the nasty feelings and thoughts I’ve had towards my body and I think about my daughter. How awful I would feel if she grew up with those same feelings and thoughts towards what I view as the most precious and perfect being on this earth. And what if she’s a size 10 or 12 or 20, would I love her any less? Hell no! Why do we then love ourselves any less because of our size?

And would I expect her to not pursue her dreams or to play small until she was a smaller size? That would be ridiculous.

Let’s stop doing this to ourselves. Next time you think you need to be a different size, next time you criticize your body, next time you berate yourself for being a certain shape think about a young girl. What would you say to her? Then say that to yourself. 

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I know sometimes we have to mourn a little when we realize we might never look like the airbrushed model in the magazine. I know I had to. I still have to once and awhile. It has been so ingrained in me (and I’m guessing you too) to try to look like that. It’s sad to think of how many hours, days, weeks, months have been wasted. All of that wasted energy trying to be something I’m not. When in reality I know I’m beautiful just the shape and size that I am. I also know that I’m beautiful regardless of my physical form. I just had to uncover (and sometimes rediscover) that deep love that has been there all along.

I want you to have that too.

I want you to know that you’re beautiful no matter what shape or size you are. I want you to know that you don’t have to hide behind your weight or your body. I want you to know that the image you think you need to look like, isn’t real. The person in the mirror here and now – that is real. And she needs to be loved. She’s begging for you to love her, just the way she is.

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Love,

Ashley

 

Ashley Donovan is Confidence Coach focused on getting you un-stuck so that you can be the person you know you’re meant to be. Ashley received her bachelors degree in Psychology and then went on to become a Certified Health Coach from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. She is certified with the American Association of Drugless Practitioners and is a trained Doula. Her work includes anything from eating the foods you know you should so you can lose that extra weight, quitting the job you know you should so you can follow your passion or getting out of a relationship you know you shouldn’t be in so you can make room for prince (or princess) charming.

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Don’t Stop Believing: What to do when it looks like your dreams aren’t coming true…

Don’t Stop Believing: What to do when it looks like your dreams aren’t coming true…

dontstopbelieving

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Quotes:

You make your plans & God directs your steps. – The Bible

If you keep on believing, a dream that you wish will come true. – Cinderella

Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life. – Steve Jobs

Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement. – Gold Meir

Manifestation is simply believing you are worthy of the things you want and acting as though this is so. – Me

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Affirmations: 

I deserve the best. Good things are on their way to me right now.

I am worthy. I am enough. I am creating a life I love.

It is safe to trust my heart’s desires. They know the way.

I increase my self-worth and know that I am worthy of the life I desire.

I am okay. I am on my way.

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Life Changing Moments: 

Hi Lover Faces!!!

So my video recording/editing skills may need a little work, but I am thrilled to give you my next VLOG!

My last VLOG was so much fun to record and post that I had to do it again. If you haven’t seen that last vlog visit amandafrances.com/korea. In that vlog I talk about how in life we get EXACTLY what we have the courage to ask for. Also, In in the video, I encourage you to live and dream big, to ask for what you want, to know your worth and to create a life you truly love.

Everyone who has ever worked to have or create something big knows that in this process your faith usually gets tested. For awhile it might not look like it’s going to happen. In this moment you will be tempted to freak out/question your belief, ability, and worth/tear up your vision board/totally bail on the dream.

Luckily, this is not the only way.

Watch the video to figure out how to handle those moments and keep on keeping on until the dream comes to pass.

There are a lot of reasons you might not get what you want exactly when you want it. When I was starting my business as a Life Coach in Dallas there was a time where I was asking for things that I would not have known how to handle and that I was not ready for. Looking back I see that during the time that I thought nothing was happening that  many lessons/assignments showed up and prepared me for what was next. As I asked for guidance, I was brought what I needed. I learned these lessons and was prepared for my work while finishing my Masters Degree in Counseling. While it looked and felt like not much was happening then — I can look back now and see that everything I needed was happening. Today, I am supported by my business. I have clients not just in Dallas, but all over the country. I love my work.

A friend and I were talking about this the other day and she was like, “Yeah, I know YOU did that, but you are like a REALLY good manifest-er — Not all of us are that good at it!” My reply was that manifestation is simply believing you are worthy of the things you want and acting as though this is so. You will be an energetic match for what you want when you believe that you can and will have it.

You are attracting, creating, and manifesting ALL of the time. We all are awesome manifest-ers. Whether it be positive or negative, your current life is a reflection of the thoughts and feelings you hold about the world and yourself. Manifestation is happening whether you want it to or not — use this universal fact to your advantage :)

We have all been called to big things. Only a few of us believe in ourselves enough to live out the call.

Believe in the dream of your heart. Big things show up.

I love you! You deserve it! You are worth it. You are more than enough. You are powerful.

It is my prayer that you learn to believe in yourself and in your dreams so that you can make a big, huge difference in the world. Xo.

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Big Love & Hugs,

Amanda Frances

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