Category Archives: Quarter Life Crisis

… better than a movie …

May 16, 2012 11:03 pm ,

A few days ago I was at brunch in the Bishop Arts District – one of those parts of town that was once average, than became decrepit and was deemed unworthy by people from certain parts of town, but was later restored, and is now such a wonderful combination of eclectic and trendy that I can’t even handle it’s cuteness.

 

I love places with that kind of character. Come to think of it, I like people that way too. Diverse, hard to figure out, and with a history containing at least one reinvention of self.

 

But this is all besides the point…

 

So… I was at brunch talking about life and love and whatnot with my boyfriend and our good friend. I was eating my food, sipping my coffee, and just listening to the conversation.

And this strange thing happened to me, I felt something I don’t feel often.

I felt a calm sense of genuine delight for that moment. Where I was right then – was okay – was good enough – was a fine place to be.

 

I felt happy.

 

I had no judgement from what I was wearing. I felt no concern for what kind of Facebook picture the morning would generate, or whether my life looked like a movie, or whether people would be jealous, or the calories in my hollandaise sauce on my eggs benedict, or whether the conversation we were having was intellectually stimulating or not.

 

I just felt fine with the here and now. . .

Thinking about it now, it was much easier than worrying about everything, and about what everything means, and where every moment of my life is leading me, and where I’ll end up, and what people with think of it, and whether I am basically okay.

 

I just was. 

 

I was in the present moment.

 

The books I read talk about it. The yoga I practice is based around it, but being present, is something I have a hard time grasping.

A book I’m currently into teaches that everything that you see – every single object or situation or person – you don’t see as it actually is, you only see all your perceptions of that object.

When I see my Starbucks cup sitting in front of me right now, its loaded with memories of the times I’ve had Starbucks, as well as my knowledge about how much I love Starbucks, in addition to the late nights sitting in front of my favorite Starbucks in Tulsa, etc etc etc. I have all sorts of perceptions based around a single cup. That’s how every single solitary thing in life is – it’s loaded with our perception. 

 

I have ideas of what my life should look like,  what my clothes should look like, and what an morning brunch should look like. I want it to look pretty, and fun, and carefree – and then take a picture of it and blog about it.  But as long as I’m wanting it to look these ways – ways that movies, and media, and my mind have told me it should look, it never does. I worry, plan, over analyze, and manipulate all situations – instead of letting them be.

 

And in that moment, at brunch, just being present with my eggs benedict, wonderful friends, and cup of truly great Non-Starbucks coffee, I realized something.

 

Life isn’t always picturesque – it rarely looks like the television shows and magazines I may have modeled my standards after…

 

but it’s real…

 

and that’s so much better.

 

Then while walking around with my boyfriend after brunch, I asked my him for one pic (far less than normal) and he began to be silly and resist (completely normal) and I got my Facebook pictures anyway, except these pictures were ones that I couldn’t have planned, that didn’t look perfect and that I definitely hadn’t seen on a romantic comedy…. 

 

… but I’d pick this.

 

 

Learning to let it be,

 

Amanda Frances

 

 

Posted in: Life Changing Moments, Life Lessons, Quarter Life Crisis , Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Best Year Yet, Lesson Two: You Complete You

January 21, 2012 12:54 pm ,

Stop Worrying About When You Will Find Him

 

 

This one is for the single girls.

 

Did Carry Bradshaw teach us nothing?!

 

She married Mr. Big anyway!! And she would have done it a hell of a lot sooner if she would have stopped being insecure, enjoyed the relationship and single life and just went with it without being a hysterical mess.

Maybe it’s the part of the country I’m from or the college I went to, but I have noticed an overwhelming belief in young girls that their only goal post college is marriage.

There is so much more to what makes you than a man.

 

Don’t get me wrong, those who do get married are making an insanely important decision, possibly the most weighty one they will ever make, but it is certainly not the only substantial life choice. There are more things to do with your time than settle down.

I know a lot of pretty, smart women who got divorced when the decision they made at 20 didn’t make any sense at 30. They tell me that they just didn’t know who they were or what they wanted like they thought they did. And while I certainly do not believe that every person that gets married young gets divorced…

 

I truly believe that unfortunate things happen when you force something you are not ready for.

 

When I was 21 or 22 I was beyond anxious to find the one and get married. I could not see my role in the world passed wife and mother.

And while I am not negating anyone’s path, and truly believe choosing to be a wife and mother is an insanely honorable one, I’m so glad it didn’t happen to me when I wanted it to. I don’t think I would have traveled, gone to grad school, started a business, gotten really healthy, grew into myself, etc.

Waiting around for a man-friend would have been a waste of my time when there is a big wide world out there to see and amazing life experiences to be had.

 

Instead of hoping that the man for you is going to walk to through the doors of a bar, church, or local Starbucks you could try:

 

1. Dating

Dating just means getting to know people over dinner or other activities. It means giving people a chance. It means opening yourself up to new groups of friends, parts of town, and kinds of food as you hang out with your date. It doesn’t have to mean making bad life decisions. It’s fun. It’s not that deep and I am personally so thankful for the friends I made and the places I went while getting to know lots of different kinds of people. I never did the Match.com thing, but a lot of friends have – you might want to consider it :)

 

2. Going to school/Staring a business/Following a dream

It’s not that you can’t do this once you are married, but I probably would have jumped right on the baby making wagon and not been easy to start big ventures for a long long time. If you are unmarried and have any desire for higher ed, do it now, do it now, do it now! You do not have to wait on someone else to invest in yourself.

 

3. Working on yourself

While carrying my groceries up three flights of stairs  used to make me cry (no really, it did) I am now way closer to self sufficient. Sure, I make my current boyfriend a to-do list for every visit, but I could find a way to get all the boy-tasks on the list done, regardless. I know I can take care of myself and I love that.

And that’s just once piece of the puzzle, you have the opportunity to grow spiritually, personally, intellectually, in health and wellness, etc because your time is your own.

You don’t need a man. Wanting one is normal, but functioning without one is awesome.

 

4. Enjoying you

Sleep in the middle of the bed. Eat frozen yogurt on your counter at 11 pm for dinner. Stay up all night working on a project. Paint the kitchen any color you want. Make amazing girlfriends.  Grow in all your relationships. Move across the country. Go to Italy. Take a weekend road-trip. Have tons of girl’s nights. Let 500 different dates buy you sushi. (I’m not saying this one is the right thing to do – but it’s definitely what I did.) Try yoga. Try Zumba. Go to ashram. Pray. Explore new religions and ways of thinking. Learn what you like, don’t like, want, and don’t want. Be picky. Be your own date. Be your own friend. Be a fabulous companion for yourself.

 

5. Remembering that you complete you.

Finding the guy who you choose to commit to awesome, but it will still take a ton of work. The fairy tale and magic won’t necessarily resemble a romance novel or romantic comedy.

The person you end up with won’t fix you. It won’t make your life magically better. A relationship will add richness to your life only when two WHOLE people come together. When two half people are sucking the life out of each other for fulfillment, relationships are awful unhealthy ugly hot messes. So become a whole person. Work on yourself. Use this time to learn to be secure and complete within yourself so that you relationship will have a chance when you find it.

 

Let go of where he is, when he’s coming, and what he’ll do/make/look like.

You will find him when you are living your life,

following your dreams,

doing what you love.

People are attracted to confident people enjoying themselves.

Don’t you dare act desperate.

You’ll find each other when you are ready.

Let it go.

Enjoy your life. Enjoy the season you are in.

Trust that you are in the right place, at the right time,

and on your way.

 

Love you all so much!!

 

Xo,

Amanda Frances

 

 

Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty, sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with. – Sex and the City
 

To let me know what you’re going through or ask questions to be answered on the site please email amandafrances.com@gmail.com

Posted in: Life According To Me, Life Lessons, Quarter Life Crisis, Self-Love , Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’d rather die living than live dying

December 18, 2011 12:48 am ,
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I was able to visit Rome the summer after I graduated from college. It was my final stop of my European adventure days before I was to start grad school in Florence.  I made my way to the top of the Monumento Nazionale a Vittorio Emanuele II (the Vittoriano) through a bright blue sky after a long day of exploring as far as my feet could take me in every direction.

Looking down at Rome below, I felt so big and so small at the same time. I was big enough to explore the world by myself and small enough to be just a tiny freckle in a white dress standing on a huge building where no one knew my name. There was something very freeing about that last part. No one there knew who I was and no one at home knew where I was. I felt free and empowered and alone, not as in lonely, just solely responsible for myself and my life.

I remember feeling like I could do anything.

A sense of peace swept over me as I realized that if the building blew up under me or if a plane crashed into me or if for some reason the big scary soldier guys guarding the building were to accidentally shoot me (sorry – I know these are unhappy thoughts) that it would be okay to die.  I didn’t want to die by any means, but I felt a sense of calm in the light of mortality. I wouldn’t die being bored, stagnant or miserable. I had lived a life that made me feel like I was dying for a time, but right then I knew that I could die living instead of live dying. This was a significant moment in learning to be, be at peace with myself and my life. I was living a life I desired to live, a life I loved. I was following my heart around the world and in the direction of my dreams.

And everything was okay.

I’m not sure what any of this will mean to you . . . but if experience is my teacher, than I know that whatever is on my heart, is what I am to write. This always seems to mean something to someone . . . I like to believe it finds its way to someone who needs it.

Stagnation is never a healthy option. If you’re bored, you are being boring. Set a goal. Go after a dream. Trust your heart. Make peace with yourself. You can do it.

Realizing and living in peace,

Amanda

a few more pics from Rome:



Posted in: Life Lessons, Quarter Life Crisis, Self-Love, Travel Tuesday , Tagged: , , , , ,