A few days ago I was at brunch in the Bishop Arts District – one of those parts of town that was once average, than became decrepit and was deemed unworthy by people from certain parts of town, but was later restored, and is now such a wonderful combination of eclectic and trendy that I can’t even handle it’s cuteness.
I love places with that kind of character. Come to think of it, I like people that way too. Diverse, hard to figure out, and with a history containing at least one reinvention of self.
But this is all besides the point…
So… I was at brunch talking about life and love and whatnot with my boyfriend and our good friend. I was eating my food, sipping my coffee, and just listening to the conversation.
And this strange thing happened to me, I felt something I don’t feel often.
I felt a calm sense of genuine delight for that moment. Where I was right then – was okay – was good enough – was a fine place to be.
I felt happy.
I had no judgement from what I was wearing. I felt no concern for what kind of Facebook picture the morning would generate, or whether my life looked like a movie, or whether people would be jealous, or the calories in my hollandaise sauce on my eggs benedict, or whether the conversation we were having was intellectually stimulating or not.
I just felt fine with the here and now. . .
Thinking about it now, it was much easier than worrying about everything, and about what everything means, and where every moment of my life is leading me, and where I’ll end up, and what people with think of it, and whether I am basically okay.
I just was.
I was in the present moment.
The books I read talk about it. The yoga I practice is based around it, but being present, is something I have a hard time grasping.
A book I’m currently into teaches that everything that you see – every single object or situation or person – you don’t see as it actually is, you only see all your perceptions of that object.
When I see my Starbucks cup sitting in front of me right now, its loaded with memories of the times I’ve had Starbucks, as well as my knowledge about how much I love Starbucks, in addition to the late nights sitting in front of my favorite Starbucks in Tulsa, etc etc etc. I have all sorts of perceptions based around a single cup. That’s how every single solitary thing in life is – it’s loaded with our perception.
I have ideas of what my life should look like, what my clothes should look like, and what an morning brunch should look like. I want it to look pretty, and fun, and carefree – and then take a picture of it and blog about it. But as long as I’m wanting it to look these ways – ways that movies, and media, and my mind have told me it should look, it never does. I worry, plan, over analyze, and manipulate all situations – instead of letting them be.
And in that moment, at brunch, just being present with my eggs benedict, wonderful friends, and cup of truly great Non-Starbucks coffee, I realized something.
Life isn’t always picturesque – it rarely looks like the television shows and magazines I may have modeled my standards after…
but it’s real…
and that’s so much better.
Then while walking around with my boyfriend after brunch, I asked my him for one pic (far less than normal) and he began to be silly and resist (completely normal) and I got my Facebook pictures anyway, except these pictures were ones that I couldn’t have planned, that didn’t look perfect and that I definitely hadn’t seen on a romantic comedy….
… but I’d pick this.
Learning to let it be,
Amanda Frances