Tag Archives: Believe

City of lights, love and, apparently… life lessons.

November 16, 2011 9:54 am ,
parisparis

{disclaimer: I’m in a super silly mood. . . bear with me}

The City of Love. The City of Lights.

The City of Glitz. The City of Glamour.

I longed and prayed to visit Paris.

I have a list of cities in my wallet at all times that I complied four years ago on the back of a yellow IHOP receipt. On the top of the list I scribbled the words Operation Dream Big.

I’ve been to about five of those listed cities today.

But in May of 2010, I had been to zero of those European destinations.

The first city on the list was Paris. 

By the forces of fate, or maybe the travel gods,  frequent flyer miles were offered to me by an uncle who could not use them around the time of my college graduation. I wasn’t going to take them as I was certain that flying and traveling to Europe alone was far too dangerous. But as destiny would have it once again, the week after graduation I found myself in three separate conversations with three women I respected who each had traveled alone in Europe in their early 20′s.

This gave me the guts to browse flights.

Flight to London – not enough miles.

Flight to Rome – not enough miles.

Flight to Munich – not enough miles.

Flight to Paris. . . just enough miles.

It seemed like Perfection.

Three weeks later, I was landing in Paris. I immediately found a mirror, sprinkled some make up on my face and dressed myself in a ballerina skirt that I hoped was appropriate to wear to meet the famous La Tour Eiffel for the very first time.

My bags were heavy. My body was tired. (I packed entirely too much stuff.)

But I didn’t care. My Paris dream was coming true and it would be perfect.

But, in all dreams, things are never quite like what you imagine.

Real life is far less sparkly then the movie-like-life I see in my mind.

In real life in rains. And Frenchmen yell at you for sitting at their cafe or getting off at the wrong train stop. (Rude).

And Paris ends up being really dirty.

And the Eiffel Tower ends up being an unflattering brownish color.

And I look back and wonder why I wore a weird short-sleeve taupe jacket with a cute 40′s inspired ruffled top.

But then you remember what an absolutely ball you had sipping espresso with new friends while eating french onion soup (it is definitely the best in France) while watching the starving artist paint in Montmartre.

And remember drinking way too much red wine at a Burlesque Show in the Red Light District.

(Favorite hang-over of my life)

And realize that you got to see the sun set behind the Cathedral of Notre Dame.

And looked around at least a half dozen times and thought “This city is so easy to fall in love with at night.”

And made life-long friends.

And I eventually decide that even when a city, person, experience, school, etc doesn’t quite live up to your exceptions. . . it’s just part of the journey.

There is no such thing as perfection. 

I can choose to find the pretty in the ugly, the fun in the weird, the entertainment in the boring. . . but a more honorable task is to choose to accept the ugly, weird, boring as truly intended, valuable parts of life.

Each this-is-not-the-way-I-imagined-it moment is here to teach you something.

Each oh-my-gosh-why-is-this-happening-to-me moment may just be part of the plan. (It’s so much more relieving to assume it’s all part of the plan.)

The rainy days, rude french people and very intense hang-over just ended up being part my real-life-Parisian-tourist experience.

And to put it lightly, I’d rather an icky-colored Eiffel Tower, than no Eiffel Tower at all.

This is real life. Accept the bad with the good. Embrace it. Laugh at it. Love it.

Your favorite deep-and-ditsy-at-the-same-time girl guru,

Amanda Frances

 

Posted in: Beauty, Life Lessons, Travel Tuesday , Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Defining and Finding Purpose <3

November 15, 2011 3:38 am ,
pretty pics - free yourself

As some of you know, I got out of a very icky situation just over 4 years ago that I consider to be a cult. When I left, I was afraid, really really really afraid. I was conditioned to believe that I needed to be in that group to function spiritually, to be on the right path, and to fulfill whatever it was that I was intended to do with my life.

We were told that God wouldn’t do anything with our lives until we helped the pastor of this church do something with his. Which was, of course, a big fat lie.

When I left, I was a stifled, confused, beat-down, defeated version of myself. All the things that make me, me were considered insignificant and unnecessary in this abusive, controlling pseudo-church.

Sometimes in life, it seems that right when you can’t possible take it anymore, you find what you need.  Within a few days of leaving the place I was so unhappy in, I finally heard the message that I so desperately needed. A teacher, friend, philosopher, or family member couldn’t have spoken it to me in a way I could have received – I had lived in a world where only spiritual things mattered, and I didn’t trust people on the outside. As is always always true for me, it seems to me that the universe and all that’s divine knew what I needed and sent me someone who I would listen to. He was a minister from my denomination, working in the town I had run-away to, who spoke a religious language that I was familiar with at the time, yet filled the gaps of passages with love, not control and narcissism.

Even when you are lost and hopeless, destiny can still find you.

I’ll never forget the words he said to me, “Amanda, what do you love? The things you love are the things God has called you to do. The most successful people I know are doing what they love. Find a way to make what you love, what you do.”

My confidence had been destroyed. My sense of self was barely breathing. I didn’t know where to go next, but someone I felt I could trust, gave me permission to start dreaming.

And I did.

And I haven’t stopped.

I started with what I knew I loved. These were all things that had been considered needless and petty in the cult, but I decided that they were  my passions for a purpose, and slowly I have learned to embrace all of who I am. I knew I loved psychology and helping people. I knew I wanted a PhD. I knew I longed to see the world. I knew I was an extrovert to the core. I knew I was enamored with makeup and aesthetically pleasing fashion and designs. So I applied to school, began studying French (which I never learned but I did, however, learn tons about European culture), learned to trust and make friends, I started dressing how I wanted, and I began surrounding myself with beautiful things.  (Life isn’t always beautiful so I eventually learned to find the pretty in the ugly, but that’s a totally different blog post.)

Eight countries, almost two degrees, lots of friends, and the creation of a blog and business later, I have made the things I love, my life.

I am chasing my dreams.

I get to contribute to the world by doing the things I love, every day.

Is there something that you partake in that seems to cause time to escape you? Notice that. Is there something you are a part of that whether it completely stresses you out or not, you love every minute of it?  Notice that. What section do you find yourself in at a book store? How do you feel when you read those books? Notice that. What websites do you frequent when you’re procrastinating? Notice that.  What do you catch yourself talking about when a conversation wanders? Notice that. Is there an area that when you write, talk, or think about it, you light up? Notice that.

I’m not saying that you will find this tangible thing that is your purpose, next day start a company, and the next day be a millionaire. It is more of a process.

Each little “ah-ha” moment leads us closer to understanding what our purpose is.

As Oprah says, you get closer as you “feed the heart of that which you love.”

I am slowly finding ways to make the things I love, my whole entire life.  So now, I have a life I love.

No one can tell you what your purpose is, but you have one and I believe you will find it –  if you just look and believe.

You have a contribution to make to the world. Only you and that which you consider Divine can define it. Let it be as unique as you are.

Your heart is speaking all the time. It’s your job to listen to it.

Never stop believing. Remove yourself from hateful people. Follow your inner voice. Believe.

Your favorite love, life, and style girl,

Amanda <3

Posted in: Life According To Me, Life Lessons, Quarter Life Crisis, Self-Love, travel , Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

..Don’t Let Fear Win..

November 1, 2011 5:29 pm ,
perfect

This past year, I’ve written a lot about failure.

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but it’s been a theme in the quotes I post and the blogs I write.

Why? Well actually its because I am scared to death of it. By researching, reading, and writing about it, I am attempting to calm my fear of it.

I know that it’s my fear of failure, not failing itself that can rob me.

 

Think about it.

 

What stops people from doing what they long to do? From living their lives out loud? From taking risks? From putting themselves out there with people? From starting their dream business? Going to school? Changing careers? Leaving their relationships? Staying in a relationship when it gets too hard?

Fear.

The fear of failure.
The fear of rejection.
The fear of loss.
The fear of being alone.
The fear of commitment.
 

We are all afraid of something.

While all of the above can really suck and can certainly result in pain, it’s the avoidance of these things that causes us to miss out on life. It’s the fear that stunts your growth, paralyzes you, and inhibits you. By succumbing to the fear, you lose every time.

In the name of living your life to the fullest, let’s talk a little about how to overcome your fears.

[How are you looking at it?]

When you ask the familiar cliché, “What’s the worst that can happen?” are you focusing on the positive or the negative?

I have a friend crossing state lines to follow a dream and she’s scared. She says she’s afraid that she will “….fail miserably, have to move back home, and become depressed.”

But she’s already miserable so I said, “All you can do is move and try hard. Look for a job and a place you live. If you don’t get into the industry you want to, you qualify for other jobs that pay the bills. If you do decide to move home once the contract and lease are up, then that’s okay. You have the experience and memory of a year or two figuring it out on your own and doing it your own way in a huge, amazing city. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll make it.”

She has nothing to lose.

I can’t promise it will go the way you want it to… but I can promise that you won’t have to ask “what-if.”

You can choose to take chances, and make things happen, and pursue your dreams actively or you can wonder. . .

[Do it afraid.]

Okay… I know this is SO not easy, but I believe you have to do it even though you are afraid. Prepare the best you can: research, practice, work hard at whatever it is you are afraid of doing and then do it anyway. Fear won’t magically go away. You may have to actively defy it.

[Look at your past.]

Fear is your mind’s way of protecting you from getting hurt.

For example, walking through a dark alley alone at 2 am feels scary, but that’s a healthy, rational fear.

Some fears are more deeply rooted. A fear of rejection may derive from a time you were rejected, and it hurt. So now you are avoiding it. Different life experiences affect everyone differently – and everyone has a past with some bad experiences.

The fears that you have because of unfortunate life experiences don’t have to hold you back.

Identifying the fears and the cause, can help you understand yourself and your experience more fully.

This is an important step in growth, moving-on, and living more freely.

[Decide if it’s worth it. . .]

For me, it seems like those who have done big things in the world have had to take big risks.

In my opinion, the things that make life fascinating and fabulous, create once in a lifetime experiences, and change the world have required someone to put themselves out there and go for what they wanted or believed in even though they were scared to death of it.

And trust me… they were all scared to death.

I act like a risk taker, I’m really just a scaredy-cat determined to reach my dreams.

Fear doesn’t have to conquer you. . . try as it might you can choose to defy it.

Had I kept letting fear win – I would be living in an cultic situation, thousands of miles away, living a life I hated, without the education I desired, not having seen the parts of world that I longed to see, believing I would be out of God’s will if I left, while trying to function happily in controlling abusive relationships.

I didn’t have a choice.

And, as far as I’m concerned, I don’t have one now. What I went through is worth nothing if I don’t actively disregard the fear that was instilled in me then and live a life I can be proud of here and now.

Making decisions to try new things, go to new places, pursue a phd, start a business (etc) while afraid has become a way of life…

So far, I haven’t regretted one second of it.

 

Nothing has gone exactly like I’ve planned. {It never does in real life} but each risk I’ve taken to getting to where I want to go has been oh so worth it.

I think it’s always worth it.

 

Live a life you love.

Follow your dreams.

Make the world a better place.

 

I believe in you.

Amanda

 

“Whatever you believe is possible for you and take consistent action upon is what becomes your reality. If you keep telling yourself that your dream isn’t possible, you will come to find that you are absolutely right.  
The price you have to pay to live your dream is facing your deepest darkest fear and the reward you receive from this courageous act is the realization that your fear was an illusion and that your dreams were always real.
So I ask you, my friend, are you willing to go there? Are you willing to sit in fire and sacrifice the comfort of your known world for the potential of something amazing, new and unknown? Don’t you want to find out what’s on the other side of your fear?
If you want to be happy and really live your dream you have to take a stand and just put yourself out there. You might fail, yes indeed – but, you might, you just might succeed too! Don’t you want to find out? Either way your life will never be the same… Can you handle it?”   
- Jackson Kiddard

 

 

 
Posted in: Life According To Me, Life Lessons, Quarter Life Crisis, Self-Love, travel , Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,