This past year, I’ve written a lot about failure.
I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but it’s been a theme in the quotes I post and the blogs I write.
Why? Well actually its because I am scared to death of it. By researching, reading, and writing about it, I am attempting to calm my fear of it.
I know that it’s my fear of failure, not failing itself that can rob me.
Think about it.
What stops people from doing what they long to do? From living their lives out loud? From taking risks? From putting themselves out there with people? From starting their dream business? Going to school? Changing careers? Leaving their relationships? Staying in a relationship when it gets too hard?
Fear.
The fear of failure. The fear of rejection. The fear of loss. The fear of being alone. The fear of commitment.We are all afraid of something.
While all of the above can really suck and can certainly result in pain, it’s the avoidance of these things that causes us to miss out on life. It’s the fear that stunts your growth, paralyzes you, and inhibits you. By succumbing to the fear, you lose every time.
In the name of living your life to the fullest, let’s talk a little about how to overcome your fears.
[How are you looking at it?]
When you ask the familiar cliché, “What’s the worst that can happen?” are you focusing on the positive or the negative?
I have a friend crossing state lines to follow a dream and she’s scared. She says she’s afraid that she will “….fail miserably, have to move back home, and become depressed.”
But she’s already miserable so I said, “All you can do is move and try hard. Look for a job and a place you live. If you don’t get into the industry you want to, you qualify for other jobs that pay the bills. If you do decide to move home once the contract and lease are up, then that’s okay. You have the experience and memory of a year or two figuring it out on your own and doing it your own way in a huge, amazing city. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll make it.”
She has nothing to lose.
I can’t promise it will go the way you want it to… but I can promise that you won’t have to ask “what-if.”
You can choose to take chances, and make things happen, and pursue your dreams actively or you can wonder. . .
[Do it afraid.]
Okay… I know this is SO not easy, but I believe you have to do it even though you are afraid. Prepare the best you can: research, practice, work hard at whatever it is you are afraid of doing and then do it anyway. Fear won’t magically go away. You may have to actively defy it.
[Look at your past.]
Fear is your mind’s way of protecting you from getting hurt.
For example, walking through a dark alley alone at 2 am feels scary, but that’s a healthy, rational fear.
Some fears are more deeply rooted. A fear of rejection may derive from a time you were rejected, and it hurt. So now you are avoiding it. Different life experiences affect everyone differently – and everyone has a past with some bad experiences.
The fears that you have because of unfortunate life experiences don’t have to hold you back.
Identifying the fears and the cause, can help you understand yourself and your experience more fully.
This is an important step in growth, moving-on, and living more freely.
[Decide if it’s worth it. . .]
For me, it seems like those who have done big things in the world have had to take big risks.
In my opinion, the things that make life fascinating and fabulous, create once in a lifetime experiences, and change the world have required someone to put themselves out there and go for what they wanted or believed in even though they were scared to death of it.
And trust me… they were all scared to death.
I act like a risk taker, I’m really just a scaredy-cat determined to reach my dreams.
Fear doesn’t have to conquer you. . . try as it might you can choose to defy it.
Had I kept letting fear win – I would be living in an cultic situation, thousands of miles away, living a life I hated, without the education I desired, not having seen the parts of world that I longed to see, believing I would be out of God’s will if I left, while trying to function happily in controlling abusive relationships.
I didn’t have a choice.
And, as far as I’m concerned, I don’t have one now. What I went through is worth nothing if I don’t actively disregard the fear that was instilled in me then and live a life I can be proud of here and now.
Making decisions to try new things, go to new places, pursue a phd, start a business (etc) while afraid has become a way of life…
So far, I haven’t regretted one second of it.
Nothing has gone exactly like I’ve planned. {It never does in real life} but each risk I’ve taken to getting to where I want to go has been oh so worth it.
I think it’s always worth it.
Live a life you love.
Follow your dreams.
Make the world a better place.
I believe in you.
Amanda
“Whatever you believe is possible for you and take consistent action upon is what becomes your reality. If you keep telling yourself that your dream isn’t possible, you will come to find that you are absolutely right. The price you have to pay to live your dream is facing your deepest darkest fear and the reward you receive from this courageous act is the realization that your fear was an illusion and that your dreams were always real. So I ask you, my friend, are you willing to go there? Are you willing to sit in fire and sacrifice the comfort of your known world for the potential of something amazing, new and unknown? Don’t you want to find out what’s on the other side of your fear? If you want to be happy and really live your dream you have to take a stand and just put yourself out there. You might fail, yes indeed – but, you might, you just might succeed too! Don’t you want to find out? Either way your life will never be the same… Can you handle it?” - Jackson Kiddard
