Tag Archives: Hope

City of lights, love and, apparently… life lessons.

parisparis

{disclaimer: I’m in a super silly mood. . . bear with me}

The City of Love. The City of Lights.

The City of Glitz. The City of Glamour.

I longed and prayed to visit Paris.

I have a list of cities in my wallet at all times that I complied four years ago on the back of a yellow IHOP receipt. On the top of the list I scribbled the words Operation Dream Big.

I’ve been to about five of those listed cities today.

But in May of 2010, I had been to zero of those European destinations.

The first city on the list was Paris. 

By the forces of fate, or maybe the travel gods,  frequent flyer miles were offered to me by an uncle who could not use them around the time of my college graduation. I wasn’t going to take them as I was certain that flying and traveling to Europe alone was far too dangerous. But as destiny would have it once again, the week after graduation I found myself in three separate conversations with three women I respected who each had traveled alone in Europe in their early 20′s.

This gave me the guts to browse flights.

Flight to London – not enough miles.

Flight to Rome – not enough miles.

Flight to Munich – not enough miles.

Flight to Paris. . . just enough miles.

It seemed like Perfection.

Three weeks later, I was landing in Paris. I immediately found a mirror, sprinkled some make up on my face and dressed myself in a ballerina skirt that I hoped was appropriate to wear to meet the famous La Tour Eiffel for the very first time.

My bags were heavy. My body was tired. (I packed entirely too much stuff.)

But I didn’t care. My Paris dream was coming true and it would be perfect.

But, in all dreams, things are never quite like what you imagine.

Real life is far less sparkly then the movie-like-life I see in my mind.

In real life in rains. And Frenchmen yell at you for sitting at their cafe or getting off at the wrong train stop. (Rude).

And Paris ends up being really dirty.

And the Eiffel Tower ends up being an unflattering brownish color.

And I look back and wonder why I wore a weird short-sleeve taupe jacket with a cute 40′s inspired ruffled top.

But then you remember what an absolutely ball you had sipping espresso with new friends while eating french onion soup (it is definitely the best in France) while watching the starving artist paint in Montmartre.

And remember drinking way too much red wine at a Burlesque Show in the Red Light District.

(Favorite hang-over of my life)

And realize that you got to see the sun set behind the Cathedral of Notre Dame.

And looked around at least a half dozen times and thought “This city is so easy to fall in love with at night.”

And made life-long friends.

And I eventually decide that even when a city, person, experience, school, etc doesn’t quite live up to your exceptions. . . it’s just part of the journey.

There is no such thing as perfection. 

I can choose to find the pretty in the ugly, the fun in the weird, the entertainment in the boring. . . but a more honorable task is to choose to accept the ugly, weird, boring as truly intended, valuable parts of life.

Each this-is-not-the-way-I-imagined-it moment is here to teach you something.

Each oh-my-gosh-why-is-this-happening-to-me moment may just be part of the plan. (It’s so much more relieving to assume it’s all part of the plan.)

The rainy days, rude french people and very intense hang-over just ended up being part my real-life-Parisian-tourist experience.

And to put it lightly, I’d rather an icky-colored Eiffel Tower, than no Eiffel Tower at all.

This is real life. Accept the bad with the good. Embrace it. Laugh at it. Love it.

Your favorite deep-and-ditsy-at-the-same-time girl guru,

Amanda Frances

 

..Don’t Let Fear Win..

perfect

This past year, I’ve written a lot about failure.

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but it’s been a theme in the quotes I post and the blogs I write.

Why? Well actually its because I am scared to death of it. By researching, reading, and writing about it, I am attempting to calm my fear of it.

I know that it’s my fear of failure, not failing itself that can rob me.

 

Think about it.

 

What stops people from doing what they long to do? From living their lives out loud? From taking risks? From putting themselves out there with people? From starting their dream business? Going to school? Changing careers? Leaving their relationships? Staying in a relationship when it gets too hard?

Fear.

The fear of failure.
The fear of rejection.
The fear of loss.
The fear of being alone.
The fear of commitment.
 

We are all afraid of something.

While all of the above can really suck and can certainly result in pain, it’s the avoidance of these things that causes us to miss out on life. It’s the fear that stunts your growth, paralyzes you, and inhibits you. By succumbing to the fear, you lose every time.

In the name of living your life to the fullest, let’s talk a little about how to overcome your fears.

[How are you looking at it?]

When you ask the familiar cliché, “What’s the worst that can happen?” are you focusing on the positive or the negative?

I have a friend crossing state lines to follow a dream and she’s scared. She says she’s afraid that she will “….fail miserably, have to move back home, and become depressed.”

But she’s already miserable so I said, “All you can do is move and try hard. Look for a job and a place you live. If you don’t get into the industry you want to, you qualify for other jobs that pay the bills. If you do decide to move home once the contract and lease are up, then that’s okay. You have the experience and memory of a year or two figuring it out on your own and doing it your own way in a huge, amazing city. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll make it.”

She has nothing to lose.

I can’t promise it will go the way you want it to… but I can promise that you won’t have to ask “what-if.”

You can choose to take chances, and make things happen, and pursue your dreams actively or you can wonder. . .

[Do it afraid.]

Okay… I know this is SO not easy, but I believe you have to do it even though you are afraid. Prepare the best you can: research, practice, work hard at whatever it is you are afraid of doing and then do it anyway. Fear won’t magically go away. You may have to actively defy it.

[Look at your past.]

Fear is your mind’s way of protecting you from getting hurt.

For example, walking through a dark alley alone at 2 am feels scary, but that’s a healthy, rational fear.

Some fears are more deeply rooted. A fear of rejection may derive from a time you were rejected, and it hurt. So now you are avoiding it. Different life experiences affect everyone differently – and everyone has a past with some bad experiences.

The fears that you have because of unfortunate life experiences don’t have to hold you back.

Identifying the fears and the cause, can help you understand yourself and your experience more fully.

This is an important step in growth, moving-on, and living more freely.

[Decide if it’s worth it. . .]

For me, it seems like those who have done big things in the world have had to take big risks.

In my opinion, the things that make life fascinating and fabulous, create once in a lifetime experiences, and change the world have required someone to put themselves out there and go for what they wanted or believed in even though they were scared to death of it.

And trust me… they were all scared to death.

I act like a risk taker, I’m really just a scaredy-cat determined to reach my dreams.

Fear doesn’t have to conquer you. . . try as it might you can choose to defy it.

Had I kept letting fear win – I would be living in an cultic situation, thousands of miles away, living a life I hated, without the education I desired, not having seen the parts of world that I longed to see, believing I would be out of God’s will if I left, while trying to function happily in controlling abusive relationships.

I didn’t have a choice.

And, as far as I’m concerned, I don’t have one now. What I went through is worth nothing if I don’t actively disregard the fear that was instilled in me then and live a life I can be proud of here and now.

Making decisions to try new things, go to new places, pursue a phd, start a business (etc) while afraid has become a way of life…

So far, I haven’t regretted one second of it.

 

Nothing has gone exactly like I’ve planned. {It never does in real life} but each risk I’ve taken to getting to where I want to go has been oh so worth it.

I think it’s always worth it.

 

Live a life you love.

Follow your dreams.

Make the world a better place.

 

I believe in you.

Amanda

 

“Whatever you believe is possible for you and take consistent action upon is what becomes your reality. If you keep telling yourself that your dream isn’t possible, you will come to find that you are absolutely right.  
The price you have to pay to live your dream is facing your deepest darkest fear and the reward you receive from this courageous act is the realization that your fear was an illusion and that your dreams were always real.
So I ask you, my friend, are you willing to go there? Are you willing to sit in fire and sacrifice the comfort of your known world for the potential of something amazing, new and unknown? Don’t you want to find out what’s on the other side of your fear?
If you want to be happy and really live your dream you have to take a stand and just put yourself out there. You might fail, yes indeed – but, you might, you just might succeed too! Don’t you want to find out? Either way your life will never be the same… Can you handle it?”   
- Jackson Kiddard

 

 

 

The Best is Yet to Come

orgasm

The Little Things

If you haven’t noticed, I find myself asking, “What does it all mean?” a lot lately. Part of me thinks that there no meaning, and that we have the ability to make life what we want it to be for us. That is an important part. You can miss out on life when you become uber obsessed with what’s right, best, or perfect. A lot of the time you wont feel a magical fate, sense a perfect destiny, or hear a clear voice of God. In those times, you have to make the best decision you can based on the knowledge and wisdom you have.

Then there are those times when everything makes sense and you know there is for sure something bigger that hears you, sees you, and knows you. Like when you say a little prayer that your loaner car will be an off-white convertible with a black top just because that’s what you want and then . . . that’s exactly what you get. Or when you’ve been coveting NARS nail polish in Orgasm (color not sexual experience) and the really fun, gay sales guy at Sephora hands you one for free. Or when you think to yourself, ‘God, I need a massage, “and walk into your gym and it just happens to be Free 15 Minute Massage Day. While these are silly little nothings . . .  they were things that I wanted, that came true, without me saying a word. There are more meaningful signs, of course. . .

But that was just this week.

And for me, it was enough to remind me that there is something bigger, that the Universe hasn’t forgotten about me, that there is a plan, and that maybe, just maybe the parts of my current life that don’t make sense to me now, probably will someday.

Who else would know I wanted an off-white Mini convertible for the weekend or NARS nail color in Orgasm??

Life lesson of today:  You may not see the bigger picture right now, but there is one. You aren’t just a random piece of flesh floating around. He hears us in the big things and the little things.

You are special, important and lovely and there is so much more in store for you. The best is yet to come.

XO,

Amanda