Stop Worrying About When You Will Find Him
This one is for the single girls.
Did Carry Bradshaw teach us nothing?!
She married Mr. Big anyway!! And she would have done it a hell of a lot sooner if she would have stopped being insecure, enjoyed the relationship and single life and just went with it without being a hysterical mess.
Maybe it’s the part of the country I’m from or the college I went to, but I have noticed an overwhelming belief in young girls that their only goal post college is marriage.
There is so much more to what makes you than a man.
Don’t get me wrong, those who do get married are making an insanely important decision, possibly the most weighty one they will ever make, but it is certainly not the only substantial life choice. There are more things to do with your time than settle down.
I know a lot of pretty, smart women who got divorced when the decision they made at 20 didn’t make any sense at 30. They tell me that they just didn’t know who they were or what they wanted like they thought they did. And while I certainly do not believe that every person that gets married young gets divorced…
I truly believe that unfortunate things happen when you force something you are not ready for.
When I was 21 or 22 I was beyond anxious to find the one and get married. I could not see my role in the world passed wife and mother.
And while I am not negating anyone’s path, and truly believe choosing to be a wife and mother is an insanely honorable one, I’m so glad it didn’t happen to me when I wanted it to. I don’t think I would have traveled, gone to grad school, started a business, gotten really healthy, grew into myself, etc.
Waiting around for a man-friend would have been a waste of my time when there is a big wide world out there to see and amazing life experiences to be had.
Instead of hoping that the man for you is going to walk to through the doors of a bar, church, or local Starbucks you could try:
Dating just means getting to know people over dinner or other activities. It means giving people a chance. It means opening yourself up to new groups of friends, parts of town, and kinds of food as you hang out with your date. It doesn’t have to mean making bad life decisions. It’s fun. It’s not that deep and I am personally so thankful for the friends I made and the places I went while getting to know lots of different kinds of people. I never did the Match.com thing, but a lot of friends have – you might want to consider it :)
2. Going to school/Staring a business/Following a dream
It’s not that you can’t do this once you are married, but I probably would have jumped right on the baby making wagon and not been easy to start big ventures for a long long time. If you are unmarried and have any desire for higher ed, do it now, do it now, do it now! You do not have to wait on someone else to invest in yourself.
3. Working on yourself
While carrying my groceries up three flights of stairs used to make me cry (no really, it did) I am now way closer to self sufficient. Sure, I make my current boyfriend a to-do list for every visit, but I could find a way to get all the boy-tasks on the list done, regardless. I know I can take care of myself and I love that.
And that’s just once piece of the puzzle, you have the opportunity to grow spiritually, personally, intellectually, in health and wellness, etc because your time is your own.
You don’t need a man. Wanting one is normal, but functioning without one is awesome.
4. Enjoying you
Sleep in the middle of the bed. Eat frozen yogurt on your counter at 11 pm for dinner. Stay up all night working on a project. Paint the kitchen any color you want. Make amazing girlfriends. Grow in all your relationships. Move across the country. Go to Italy. Take a weekend road-trip. Have tons of girl’s nights. Let 500 different dates buy you sushi. (I’m not saying this one is the right thing to do – but it’s definitely what I did.) Try yoga. Try Zumba. Go to ashram. Pray. Explore new religions and ways of thinking. Learn what you like, don’t like, want, and don’t want. Be picky. Be your own date. Be your own friend. Be a fabulous companion for yourself.
5. Remembering that you complete you.
Finding the guy who you choose to commit to awesome, but it will still take a ton of work. The fairy tale and magic won’t necessarily resemble a romance novel or romantic comedy.
The person you end up with won’t fix you. It won’t make your life magically better. A relationship will add richness to your life only when two WHOLE people come together. When two half people are sucking the life out of each other for fulfillment, relationships are awful unhealthy ugly hot messes. So become a whole person. Work on yourself. Use this time to learn to be secure and complete within yourself so that you relationship will have a chance when you find it.
Let go of where he is, when he’s coming, and what he’ll do/make/look like.
You will find him when you are living your life,
following your dreams,
doing what you love.
People are attracted to confident people enjoying themselves.
Don’t you dare act desperate.
You’ll find each other when you are ready.
Let it go.
Enjoy your life. Enjoy the season you are in.
Trust that you are in the right place, at the right time,
and on your way.
Love you all so much!!
Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re pretty, sexy and you’re taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with. – Sex and the City
To let me know what you’re going through or ask questions to be answered on the site please email firstname.lastname@example.org