Once upon a time, I had moved to a new city, and wanted to have an amazing group of girlfriends.
The problem was that I was doing several things mentally that were blocking me from getting what I wanted.
- I had a super desperate energy about me. I did not feel like someone who already HAD friends — I felt like someone who NEEDED friends.
(This is not an attractive vibe to put out there…)
- I was playing this same damn story in my head about Dallas being, “So hard to make friends in…” So obviously my perception was my reality.
Later, when God pulled a major God-cidence (God + coincidence) and led me to some really cool girls, my brain was not even available to see how cool they were…
- I was stuck in the damn past — focused on what my girlfriends in my home town were like, what things we did together, and what our friendships consisted of…
(The comparison game never serves any of us. Stop comparing your life to someone else’s life or your old life/city/boyfriend to your current life/city/boyfriend.)
- I was focused on the frame of what I wanted — not the content. I was focused on what it’s supposed to look like & how it’s supposed to happen — and not what it actually is.
And that leads me to our #wisdomdrop for today — how to create the life you want — by focusing on the CONTENT and not the frame.
Here’s an example from my career:
When I was 15 I wanted to be a psychologist. This was not because I really understood what a psychologist did, but because I desperately wanted to help people and I really, really wanted to work for myself. I also saw myself writing self help book, speaking, and making a big difference. I also saw myself working with people, helping them to creative better lives. The things I just described are exactly what a lot life coaches do. I had one hell of a mini-quarter-life crisis when I had to let go of the “psychologist” dream and the phd dream (watch that video here – why I quit my phd program). The career/lifestyle of a life-coaching was the content of what I wanted… The label “Psychologist” was the frame. But the frame doesn’t effing matter. What I do day to day to day to day — the quality of my life — my passion for my career — my ability to be truly helpful… That is what matters…
(PS: if YOU want to be a life-coach… I can help. I have a 6 week program and a 3 month program going — firstname.lastname@example.org)
I see people do this with romantic partners ALL of the time:
The other day a guy friend told me he wanted a wife who read from a novel every night before bed. That was on his list of qualities in a woman and he was FOR REAL about not settling for less. When we started to sort through what he ACTUALLY wanted… it was more about wanting a quiet, peaceful, and relaxing home before bed. So whether his future woman read from a magazine, played a video game, or read a book… focusing on the content and not the frame would help him attract, identify, and be happy with the potential partners that come across his path.
In the video below, I talk more about my manifestation mishap around finding the “right” friends in my new city.
I had already made the friends that I would travel with, work with, and do some really cool parts of my life with right in front of me — but I couldn’t appreciate or enjoy how well things were actually going or blessed I actually was because I was so focused on the content and not the frame.
So when you are getting clear on what you want focus on how you want it to FEEL not how you want it too look. What do you want the SuBsTaNcE of your life to be. Focus on the quality, the content, the real shit — and worry less about the frame, form or wrapping paper.
You’ll get what you TRULY desire (and be able to enjoy it) much much faster.
I love you,