Overwhelmed with Family?! How to Set New Patterns in Old Relationships

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alternate titles:

how to handle reverting to past behaviors/

what to do when you desperately need alone time when it’s impossible to get it/

OR how to handle ANY other overwhelming, super-anxiety proving situation :)

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divider arrowAffirmations: 

I am willing to develop the awareness around what is actually bothering me. I observe old patterns; I am willing to change the habits that do not serve me.

I give myself permission to step away from overwhelming situations. I choose to take care of myself.  I know when I need a break and I take it.

I am willing to set new, more-loving patterns in all my relationships. I am willing to find a better way.

divider arrow#wisdomdrop blog/vlog :

Have you ever notice that old ways of being/old patterns/old wounds pop up when you are around people from your past?

Like your crazy aunt says something that reminds you of what she used to say to you when you were a little kid and you want to hide in a shell/punch people in the face/freak out when that’s FAR from how you conduct yourself on the daily?

Have you ever felt yourself becoming the brat you were when you were 16 or the fearful child you were when you were 7?!

I know I have.

And I know I’m not alone.

It seems that when the holidays come around each year, many of my clients start anticipating/freaking out about the upcoming gatherings. They notice that they feel overwhelmed, super annoyed, and anxious around people from their past. It feels to them, like all their growth and maturity disappears around the mid-thanksgiving-meal or half way into their cousin’s wedding.

The truth is, they have come along way. They have grown and developed in many ways and they have established new habits and ways of being in the world/relating to people/expressing themselves/and handling their emotional triggers.

And so have you.

It is SO normal to find yourself reverting to who you were at a different time of your life when you are around people from the past.

Especially if it feels like those who caused some of your early wounds are now accidentally poking at them… with a dull butter knife. It not super damaging anymore, but it’s really annoying and a little hurtful.

The below video(#wisdomdrop) can be applied to SO many situations:

  • family gatherings
  • reunion with high school or college friends
  • when old friends/relatives are in town
  • when you are not getting the alone time you are used to (vacay or big event with others)
  • …basically… any time you are feeling overwhelmed with a situation and do not love how you are responding

In the below vlog I offer you my three-steps that I use on the regular to keep my self from going back to crazy town so that I can enjoy and be my true self — even in situations that feel ridiculously overwhelming.divider arrowGet the tips:


To review:

  1. Recognize that you are going to crazy-town/your old way of being.
    (This involves being aware of how it feels to be overwhelmed, super annoyed, highly anxious and ready to freak out. Begin to intentionally become aware of how you are feeling. If you find yourself all the sudden freaking out and it feels like it came out of no where – this is the step for you. Hang out here as long as you need to.)
  2. Take a break.
    (i.e. listen to music, meditate, talk a walk, do a star-bucks run for everyone, find alone time. BREATHE. A minute or two can change everything.)
  3. Re-enter the situation differently.
    (From a more clear-headed space, be willing to see things differently. Maybe you approach the situation/person in a more loving (and possibly more firm) way. Be willing to set a boundary, resolve, repair, or grow. Maybe you just come back in calm and centered, but say nothing. You will know what to do. Come back into the situation intending to be your best self. If you freak-out/snap at someone/feel super anxious anyway, don’t judge yourself. You are getting there.)

divider arrowYou are not a victim to any situation. Intend to show up and be your best/highest self so that you can enjoy the experience and be proud of the way you handled things once it’s over. Take a break when needed. Be gentle with yourself along the way.

And if you can do nothing else… just show up and be the light.

I love you. I’m here for you.


Amanda Frances

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