I’d rather die living than live dying

I was able to visit Rome the summer after I graduated from college. It was my final stop of my European adventure days before I was to start grad school in Florence.  I made my way to the top of the Monumento Nazionale a Vittorio Emanuele II (the Vittoriano) through a bright blue sky after a long day of exploring as far as my feet could take me in every direction.


Looking down at Rome below, I felt so big and so small at the same time. I was big enough to explore the world by myself and small enough to be just a tiny freckle in a white dress standing on a huge building where no one knew my name. There was something very freeing about that last part. No one there knew who I was and no one at home knew where I was. I felt free and empowered and alone, not as in lonely, just solely responsible for myself and my life.

I remember feeling like I could do anything.

A sense of peace swept over me as I realized that if the building blew up under me or if a plane crashed into me or if for some reason the big scary soldier guys guarding the building were to accidentally shoot me (sorry – I know these are unhappy thoughts) that it would be okay to die.  I didn’t want to die by any means, but I felt a sense of calm in the light of mortality. I wouldn’t die being bored, stagnant or miserable. I had lived a life that made me feel like I was dying for a time, but right then I knew that I could die living instead of live dying. This was a significant moment in learning to be – be at peace with myself and my life. I was living a life I desired to live – a life I loved. I was following my heart around the world and in the direction of my dreams.

And everything was okay.

I’m not sure what any of this will mean to you . . . but if experience is my teacher, than I know that whatever is on my heart, is what I am to write. It always seems to mean something to someone . . . I like to believe it finds its way to someone who needs it.

Stagnation is never a healthy option. If you’re bored, you are being boring. Set a goal. Go after a dream. Trust your heart. Let your dreams lead the way. You can do it.

Realizing and living in peace,

Amanda Frances