I’m not sure if you know this about me… but I’m single AF.
With that comes… well, dating.
And when lessons hit in my life, business, or relationships… I feel compelled to share them with you.
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So today on the FB… I told the story about a time a left a first date in the middle…
Now dating is kind of a weird thing.
I have always kind of been a fan of dating. The whole process gets a bad wrap — but when you let dating be an opportunity to get to know different types of men and be shown different kinds of experiences and have the chance for a connection — dating can be fun.
I am a pretty good sport about dating. I am oriented toward having a good time. I appreciate someone picking out a restaurant/planning a date for me. I roll with the punches. And over the past year of being single… I think I have met some solid men whom I am really happy that I have gotten to know.
Yes — ideally, we would all just automatically be with the person we were going to do life with forever… but when things don’t go as planned/you aren’t quite ready yet/you have some exploring to do — by all means, date!
Okay — so that being said — I usually make the most of a date. I have fun no matter what. I go with it.
But recently… I totally bailed.
The dude was calling me babe (way too soon), had his hands on me (way too soon), was asking questions about what I wanted in a life partner (maybe this could have been done correctly but because I already wanted to puke — way too soon)… and over all was just trying too hard.
Within the first five minutes I literally said, “Hey… I think it’d be better if you’d stop feeding me lines and like try to get to know me…”
After digging in a little with this dude… I found out he hated being single. Like hated it. He didn’t like living in the city we were in. He didn’t like being alone. He wanted to find someone and find them now.
Do you know how this energy translated…?
Desperate. Trying too hard. Uncomfortable AF.
He had placed expectations on me of being the right kind of girl for him before he even met me in person.
That felt so heavy for me.
This moment reinforced a few things for me (I promise I am going somewhere.)
1. No one can mother effing fix you.
Until you are confident in yourself/your business/your product/your offer…
Until you are comfortable in your own skin…
Your insecurities will push other away… like far away.
Trying too hard to sell/to get love/to do anything — is unattractive AF.
There is NO substitute to doing the work of loving yourself.
Until you love you and believe that you are worthy of/will inevitably have what you want… you go around hoping other will validate your worth to you.
This search will leave you unfulfilled, pissed at those don’t see your value, and exhausted.
2. You always f*cking know what to do.
Out of the dates I’ve been on in my life (this may or may not have been like a lot of dates) there have been a few times where I find myself just not wanting to go.
Like I want to stay home/rest/make food. I want to just like NOT go. Like I really don’t want to go/get dressed/call an uber.
And always go… Because I do what I say I am going to do. And I intend to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I talk myself into it. I focus on the person’s good qualities.
I put on makeup and an outfit… and get my ass out the door.
And you know what? 100% of the time, without fail those end up being the guys who have no place in my life.
They are always the sleazy come-back-to-my-place/validate-me/i-don’t-know-who-i-am-or-how-to-be-a-man/fix-me guys.
I’ve said it a million times… but your desires are ALWAYS guiding you. And they are always right. You can trust yourself.
When you don’t want to do something — that means something.
When you don’t want to work with a certain type of client/be in a certain type of job/sell a certain kind of offer… your desires are guiding you.
Why do we force ourselves to do things we don’t want to do?
Why do we try to make things that don’t fit, fit?
Why do we question ourselves?
I didn’t want to go on this date. I didn’t want to get a blowout. I didn’t want to rush my workout/stop working/put on clothes.
And that’s enough. No need to question/validate/justify.
Not wanting to is enough of a reason.
3. When you can’t even… you shouldn’t even.
I was sitting there for over an hour trying to redeem this date.
I really was. I asked questions. I gave genuine and thoughtful answers. I even made up a fun game for us to play lol. I really tried.
And I kept having the desire to leave.
I couldn’t even. So, I didn’t even.
The meal was over. Homeboy was talking about taking me to a hot new club opening (gag me) and I wanted to go home.
So I did.
Which was a huge deal for me.
I am a fix it/force it/make it happen kind of girl.
But I am also a girl who likes herself/her alone time. I am a girl who values her time and energy.
So, I left.
I walked away from something that didn’t serve me.
… because that is something we are always allowed to do.
It’s safe to follow your heart. It’s safe to walk away.
What do you think? Do you think following your heart is safe guidance? Do you trust yourself with business and dating? Let me know in the comments below!!
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