#wisdomdrop: dropping the hot-mess-state-of-mind

hot mess state of mind

 

 

We all go into our Hot-Mess-State-of-Mind now and again. (To skip to the 8 steps… scroll down!)

 

You know what I mean… super negative, frantic, out of control, anxious, worried, needy, selfish, (read: hot mess).

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Most people don’t realize that how long they stay in this place is completely up to them.

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I believe it is very possible to shift out of this place quickly.

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It’s not that realizing the underlying causes, limiting beliefs, and core issues aren’t important… those things are super important. It’s just that while you are in the midst of working that out, you can choose to shift out of your funky head space.

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Example: You totally freak out on your boyfriend for going to meet a friend for beer and football on a Sunday. Once you realize you’ve gone into hot-mess-mode you can take the time to see what’s up. After a little reflection time you realize that this really isn’t about him or the guys or even spending time together. You are actually effing pissed that your best friend has completely bailed on you for her new boyfriend. And now it feels like you boyfriend is bailing on you for his friends. Naturally you are like WTF?! And if you dig a little deeper you can probably come up with a memory or two of other times you felt like people “bailed” on you. Come to mention it, you sort of have a belief that you can’t trust people to be there for you.

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The above is an awesome example of someone doing really good work to realize what’s actually going on with them. This is STEP ONE. And it’s a super important step. I do this kind of stuff with my life-coaching clients ALL THE TIME.

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However, sometimes getting clear on the core issue, takes a minute or two. And once you are clear about it, you might not be quite sure what you are going to do about it.

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You don’t have to wait to have the above sorted out to FEEL BETTER.

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You don’t have to stay mad at your mom or resentful toward your dad or wishing you never met your childhood next-door-neighbor/ex-boyfriend/first grade teacher/ass hole coach for a year, month or week. You don’t have to freak out on your boyfriend every Sunday for eight months out of the year either (We all know that boys say football is for a “season” but does football season not seem to last AT LEAST eight months out of the year?! I digress…) You can choose to experience those feelings for a much shorter time period before you shift out of them. The below tools are to help you feel better fast.

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I think it’s possible to notice how experiences and relationships effected us, forgive, release, and move on… quickly.

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At a recent talk I gave in Tulsa on Spirituality and Depression (VIDEO BELOW! This is part two of the last video: find that one here), I talked about my regular practices that help me shift back to a positive state of mind when I’m in a funk. There are many things I know I can do that allow me to come back to my center (read: happy place, home, truth, calm, knowing, whatever you want to call it) when I am in a hot-mess-state-of-mind (or angry/resentful/stuck/annoyed/pissed/sad/doubtful etc).

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They go a little something like this…

 

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1. Give Yourself Permission to be Where you are at

What you resist, persists. Give yourself permission to be where you are at. Be gentle with yourself. Observe your freakout/breakdown/hot-mess state/and mini quarter life crisis non-judgmentally. The first step to change is increased awareness. Gently observe your freak out. Notice what is going on. Give yourself permission to be there.

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2. Gratitude: Get Thankful.

It is impossible to hate your life/feel bad for yourself/be consumed by what’s bothering you when you are truly thankful. One quick way to get out of your hot-mess-state-of-mind is to make a gratitude list. Yes, like on Oprah. Except we are going to do a amandafrances.com-version gratitude list. Some of my clients have incorporated making a gratitude list into every day. Next to each thing on their list they write how that thing makes them feel. Then (and this is super important) they take a moment to feel how each thing makes them feel. If your home is on the list and your home makes you feel safe, take a moment to literally feel safe. I timed myself the other day. The gratitude list process took less than two minutes. Two minutes to feel way better? Amazing!

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3. Trust your positive momentum

When you feel-a-mess normal things don’t sound quite so fun. In these moments, I go with my positive moment. I go with what feels good. I don’t fight my natural motivation or procrastination. I let the momentum of one thing that sounds good propel me to the next thing. Before you know it a trip to the grocery store can lead you to your favorite book can lead you to calling a friend will lead you to dinner plans will lead you to not feeling quite so bad at all.

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4. Drop the comparison

Comparison is the illusion that we are all separate from one another. Comparison says that I am less than her because of how her life looks on Facebook or she is less than me because of how much cuter my butt is in my yoga pants. When you are feeling-a-mess, it is easy to Facebook stalk those who seem to have it together and let a story play in our minds that says something like, “When will I have that…. I’ll never have that… Why does she get to have that… What’s wrong with me?” Comparison gets you no where fast. Even when you are comparing in the name of feeling as though you have it better than someone, when you do that with a negative energy and feel that YOU are literally better than them, you tie your worth up in what someone does or doesn’t have. See how that could be a problem?

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5. Ask for a miracle

It’s not as dramatic as it sounds. It goes something like, “God, angels, Universe, whatever is out there — Please help me to see things differently. I am willing to see things differently. Please help me to find a better way.” Steps will show up. They always do.

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6. Journal/Vent/Pray

Yell. Scream. Rip the pages of your journal with your pen. Do whatever you need to do. Call a friend and tell them how much your boyfriend sucks. Act crazy. But do it with intention of letting it go. Do it being willing to release it. Don’t fester in it. Do it knowing that there is a better way and that you are willing to find it. (When something’s not working, there is always a better way.)

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7. Move your body.

Walk. Run. Bike. Do yoga.
Move your body. Serotonin & dopamine will be released. You will feel better. Thank you, brain.

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8. Make a mantra.

Making a mantra is easy. In fact, I am willing to give you one for free! Email me with your drama, and I’ll email you back a mantra! You’re welcome! amandafrances.com@gmail.com. Making a mantra goes something like this. After recognizing how you feel/what your issue is, determine how you’d rather feel. For our sweet girl in the example above… it sounds to me like she feels abandoned, unsafe and like she can’t trust people to be reliable, dependable, and there for her. She doesn’t feel like the priority. Her mantra could be, “I intuitively know who to and who not to trust. I am my own biggest priority. I am safe inside my body. I am safe within myself. I can trust.” She could also say,  “Though it hurts when people cancel and are unavailable, I love myself completely. I love myself fully. I am okay. I am on my way.” She may over time be led to share the struggle with her boyfriend, a friend, or a coach. She may be able to use some of the above steps to stop the freak outs from coming.

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ONE of the eight steps from above can CHANGE everything.

Pick the one that resonates with you and practice it this week. I love you!

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Xo,

Amanda Frances
your online life coach

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