by Team AF | Sep 30, 2011
Why being unhappy, unglued, un-nerved, and bored out of your mind can actually be a FaBuLoUs thing.
None of us would have a reason to do anything new or different with our lives if we were completely comfortable, content, and settled all the time.
Dissatisfaction breads growth.
I am in no way suggesting that it’s easy to be restless. It actually, well, sucks and makes some of us (I’m talking about me) want to punch the world in the face. However, lately I have noticed that my friends, colleagues, blog followers, etc are all in a season of discontentment.
This is what discontentment sounds like: I’m unhappy in my relationship, I’m bored with my job, I don’t know why I’m at the school, I’m tired of this town, why am I even alive?
And since I feel like I am *finally* on the other side of a super discontented time . . . maybe what I’ve had to learn could give a little hope or perspective to one of you.
Here’s what I’ve gathered. . .
1. Discontentment is good!!
Unfortunately, I cannot write a clever post that will explain the reason for each of your struggles.
I can say, however, that there definitely is a reason.
Maybe you feel like your relationship isn’t quenching a need that you feel it should. . . or like your job isn’t supporting your family, contributing to your growth, or serving the world the way you thought it would. . .or maybe you can’t figure out what the purpose of your life is or should be. . . It is so GOOD that you feel this way.
Why is it such a fabulous thing??
Because it makes you move. Discontentment causes you to get out of your relationship or work on it. . . it makes you look for a new job or find a new way to look at your job. . . it makes you question, wonder, cry, scream or pray. . . and then, if you let it, it makes your grow.
2. Ask WHHYYYY????
To figure out what the deal is.
Yes, in every single blog I am asking you to ask yourself why. Well that’s because we can’t grow without asking ourselves hard questions. Sorry, we just can’t. So, I am telling you that you have to evaluate what parts of your life are working for you and what parts aren’t before you can figure out what to do about it. Talk it out, journal it out, pray it out, think it out. . . so you can figure it out. . .
3. Wait and stay open.
Hah! This blog is full of my least favorite things. I am really bad at waiting. Like really really really bad. I honk at stop lights. I act as though less-than-invigorating life events (boring classes, bill paying, paper writing) are causing me to loose pieces of my soul. I am not very patient, at all . . .
But I know this for sure. If you wait, (and trust that there is a reason and that the answers will come) they will.
4. Seize the day.
So you let yourself feel discontent, you asked what was wrong, you waited to figure out what to do, you were open to the answers. . . You have an idea of what might work. . . Now grow a pair and seize the day! You will never know anything 100% for sure, so take a chance and JUMP!
Every circumstance is a little different, but here is a personal example:
I was bored out of my mind. I wasn’t feeling fulfilled or pushed or driven. The discontentment grew and the next think I knew. . . I learned about life-coaching in a class at school. I thought about it for all-of-one-day before I found myself deciding to go home and make a website. I was standing in Walgreens, buying off-brand make up removing cloths after yoga. That wasn’t the most glamorous of moments to decide to change my life, but inspiration finally hit. I got uncomfortable enough for long enough to decide to make a change. There were months of discontentment and searching for an answer. . . I was open and waiting . . . and suddenly I had a wonderful idea. . .
Presenting: Amanda F. McKinney – life coach extraordinaire.
5. And then. . . [you may have to] wait more.
Unfortunately I had keep practicing patience. [How annoying, right?] Making the website and applying for the business license was the easy part. I had to wait to get the word out, wait to find clients, wait for someone to take a chance on me. . . during this time I got to feel even more uncomfortable and embarrassed and like a failure. . . I also had to continue to work on myself and through these unpleasant feelings while I waited. . . it wasn’t fun. But then finally I got to. . .
***See the Light***
God was faithful . . . I was faithful. . . I didn’t give up. . . and what I knew in my heart started to come true.
I’m still not exactly walking on sunshine, but I am seeing my hard work pay of and my dreams come true a little more all the time.
I have clients. . . I see growth in myself and in those I work with. . . I feel like I am contributing to people’s lives while they contribute to my growth and goals. . . I feel like I am making the world a better place by being alive, which will always be my ultimate purpose.
I feel so much progress. I am in such a better place. . . but I am still a little discontent. . . which I am deciding is a wonderful thing because it will just cause me to develop myself, my skills, and my burgeoning business.
I am learning to be satisfied in the midst of the mystery of it all.
This has been one of the hardest years of my life, but it’s the best thing that could have happened to me. I’ve had to grow-up, trust my heart, depend on myself, get uncomfortable, and make my life better.
If you are unnerved, bored, discontent, and coming unglued, I understand and I’m truly, deeply, utterly sorry . . . And I am here to help
[[Let me know what you are going through at: amanda.f.mckinney@gmail.com]]
It’s your choice to stay miserable, or embrace the journey and do something with your unhappiness.
If you need help, help is out there.
YOU CAN do something with it. You can do do something about it. And you can use it for something that you can be proud of.
All successful people have gone through this: You are not alone.
You have something to give. You can serve the world in a way not quite like anyone else.
Give it all you got.
Seeing the light,
Amanda Frances
XO
by Team AF | Aug 22, 2011
The Little Things
If you haven’t noticed, I am the type to continually ask myself, “What does it all mean?” Part of me thinks that there no meaning, and that we have the ability to make life what we want it to be for us. That is an important part. You can miss out on life when you become uber obsessed with what’s right, best, or perfect. Sometimes I don’t feel a magical fate, sense a perfect destiny, or hear a clear voice of God. In those times, I have to make the best decision you can based on the knowledge and wisdom you have.
Then there are those times when everything makes sense and I know there is for sure something bigger that hears you, sees you, and knows me. Like when you say a little prayer that your loaner car will be an off-white convertible with a black top just because that’s what you want and then . . . that’s exactly what you get. Or when you’ve been coveting NARS nail polish in Orgasm and the sales guy at Sephora hands you one for free. Or when you think to yourself, ‘God, I need a massage, “and walk into your gym and it just happens to be Free 15 Minute Massage Day. While these are silly little nothings . . . they were things that I wanted, that came true, without me saying a word. There are more meaningful signs, of course. . .
But that was just this week.
And for me, it was enough to remind me that there is something bigger, that the Universe hasn’t forgotten about me, that there is a plan, and that maybe, just maybe the parts of my current life that don’t make sense to me now, probably will someday.
Who else would know I wanted an off-white Mini convertible for the weekend or NARS nail color in Orgasm?? You may just have to ask what you believe in to guide you.
Life lesson of today: You may not see the bigger picture right now, but there is one. You aren’t just a random piece of flesh floating around. He hears us in the big things and the little things.
You are special, important and lovely and there is so much more in store for you. The best is yet to come.
XO,
Amanda
by Team AF | Aug 13, 2011
Remember the mean girls from High School?
Remember thinking that you would move on, grow up, and not have to deal with clicks or drama anymore?
News Flash: Mean girls exist at EVERY age.
I was once in a situation where I was thrown into a group of individuals who I was to travel along side. These people really didn’t know me, yet quickly decided that I was too peppy, too easily entertained, too excited, and too loud for their liking. In my short time with them, things I said in jest to friends were overheard and speculated about. Comments I made to people who knew my background were taken out of context. Questions I asked innocently were turned into blond jokes. And in the nature of gossip and assumption, none of it was said to my face.
Enough of that . . . The point is each of us will find ourselves in a situation where someone doesn’t like us and we don’t really know why or what to do about it. Bullies pick on people for being pretty or ugly, quiet or loud. None of us are immune.
And while I chose to move on and enjoy my trip anyway. . . I believe that there are some important lessons to be learned from this experience.
Here are some tips on what to do when haters hate:
Don’t take it personally.
Usually, what other people do isn’t because of you. It’s because of them. For example, happy people irritate people who are not feeling satisfied. Confident people tend to annoy those who have not discovered who they are or why they are fabulous. I really do not know what was happening on this trip in particular, but it seems that most often, when people are rude, it has nothing to do with you. It stems from what is lacking in them. Like happiness, confidence, or empathy.
When someone makes you an enemy and you have done nothing to merit it, most likely something about you struck a nerve with something in them. And it’s probably something you could not have foreseen and probably do not need change.
Be true to yourself.
Each of us is better at being our true selves than a fake, less interesting, version of anyone else.
Did I decide to be less lively? Less adventurous? Less thrilled to see the world? Absolutely not.
I refused to be less of who I am in an effort to fit in. That being said. . .
Use it to your advantage.
Oprah says that a lesson can be learned from everything that happens to us.
If you haven’t realized: I like me. I love who I am and I love my vibrant personality, but I understand it can be a lot to take in.
I am really loud, very excited, and quite easily entertained. I accidently come off entitled. I think I deserve the best. I worked hard to go on this trip and felt entitled to an enriched, fabulous experience, to confidently wander around foreign countries with fascination, to be wildly excited about everything that felt wildly exciting.
Life-lesson: It can be beneficial to be a little more subtle until people get to know those of us with vibrant personalities. In professional situations especially, this may be very helpful.
In this situation, I was busy learning and having a great time. It didn’t occur to me to impress people with unpleasant expressions stuck on their faces and bad attitudes, but in actuality, I didn’t hate them. I liked them until they started being rude to me, and I realize that someday I cound even find myself in class with or working with these people someday.
Life-lesson: All people matter. Don’t burn bridges.
To confront or not to confront?
Now confronting is always an option.
If this situation is a short term scenario or simply not worth it to you may want to just let it go.
However, if you decide to talk to your mean girl:
1. Be inquisitive
2. Be firm
3. Do it one on one
An inquiry is much less accusatory then a declaration of one’s bitchiness.
Talk to them in a way that shows you are trying to understand what is going on – the goal is not to put them on the defensive. People can be around, but should not be within earshot.
Something along the lines of, “I don’t really understand why you are saying things about me, but it’s rude and it really hurts.”
The question will linger after you are gone.
You want them to realize that there is a person with feelings on the other end of their drama.
Give yourself some credit.
Dear God – if you have to handle mean girls, pat yourself on the back!
It’s no fun!
Don’t lash out or play games. Defend yourself if needed and go on with the enjoyment of your life.
I was immersed in foriegn world in which growing as a person was highly important to me. I was able to learn so much about a different culture and develop my passions. I even made some true, good-hearted friends. I saw more of our beautiful, magnificent world. I treated people well. I had the time of my life and I didn’t let those who were hateful ruin my time.
Sure – I could have done a few things differently, but I got to show my true colors. I’m happy with what I showed. Mean girls don’t get to say that.
You can’t control anyone else. Make the best of everything. Learn and grow. Embrace life.
For me, this is what making-it looks like.
Xo,
Amanda Frances
Life Coach
by Team AF | May 21, 2011
What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do Next
Coffee shop – 2 am – studying – having a mini-quarter life crisis.
This isn’t like the full-on quarter-life-crisis of 2008 in which I rearranged my entire life and moved across the country to pursue my education (best decision of my life). This is just a baby-sized-mini-crisis. Part of what I want to do with my life isn’t fitting with what I am learning in school and it’s making my life-plan feel out of whack.
And after writing a 10 page paper, working all day, working with a client, and going to a 5 hour class yesterday, I found myself asking the classic existential question of: “What does it all mean?”
Sometimes, we must soul-search, explore, analyze, and discover. We have to redefine, reinvent, and reevaluate what we want and find what life means FOR US. That’s what my education and business are all about – helping you accomplish the things you want for your life. I believe it is possible for you to create a life you will love.
Since I could not answer all the mysteries of the universe over one chai latte that night, I decided to take some time to myself. This may have included: 1 trip to red-box (Sex and the City 2), 1 ginormous salad, and 1 one deep conditioning treatment made from anything in my pantry that seemed remotely conditioning-like such as avocados and olive oil (ps: my hair feels great today.)
Life is infinitely confusing at times, kids, but here is what I know: Complicated times move us further along on our path. They teach us who we are. They force us to make hard decisions concerning what we want out of life. They make us learn to function more productively world and with the people in it. In my experience, when things fall apart, they fall back together better. I don’t have the answer to my question this very moment. But I know that I will.
Life is worth-living – Dreams are worth following – People are worth loving – and life is still fabulous.
Here are 5 things I try to do when I don’t know what to do next:
{One} Get Honest – Be willing to tell yourself the truth. Is what you’re doing what you really want to do? Is the area you are putting your efforts impacting what is most important to you? When you look back, will you be proud of who you are right now? I know I just got deep – but we can’t get anywhere if we can’t be honest with ourselves. Ask yourself, “What do I really want?” “What do I really love to do?” “What will move me in the direction I want to go?” etc. DON’T FILTER.
{Two} Vent – Either with a friend or two a trusty note-book. Sometimes you don’t even know what it is that you are feeling until it shows up on paper or you hear it come out of your mouth.
{Three} ENJOY! This will be on every how-to list I ever write. We must do things we love every day. Life is too short to not incorporate joy into every single day.
{Four} Give It Time and Don’t Over-Analyze! The answers will come to you. I have gone as far as to give myself a certain amount of time that I am not allowed to analyze the problem. It’s amazing how much perspective you have when you have given yourself a little TIME.
{Five} Relax and Take Care of Yourself – I think the avocado-olive-oil-hair-care example above explains it all. You will figure it out. If you search, you find – you can relax. And not to go parental on you, but exercise, sleep, and healthy eating improve brain function. You are going to need your brain to work fully to figure out your life-crisis
Once you figure out what you will do about your mini-crisis MAKE A PLAN! Spontaneous moments are tons of fun, but as my dad always said, “If you don’t have a plan, you might not like how things turn out.” Try this for long term goals: Write down where it is you want to be in x amount of time and make steps going back-wards. Assign deadlines to the steps and move forward. For daily goals, write down what it is that you hope to incorporate into your life, read each day, view and alter it as needed. Remember, you can do it! And remember, nothing is impossible, so dream as big as your imagination will allow you.
Live a life you love.
by Team AF | May 7, 2011
Four Ways to Burn More Calories at Home, in the Gym, and at the Table.
First of all, I’m not obsessed with calories. The most important thing is to get the nutrients that your body needs every day of your life. However, since calories are an easy way to examine a workout and a meal, I’ve learned to pay attention to them. Keep in mind, calories are just one element of nutrition. Someone handled me a snack-cake yesterday that was “only 80 calories and just one point on Weight Watchers.” I picked up the box to find the first ingredient was SUGAR. No one gets skinny or healthy eating sugar. Ingredients are listed in order – use your brain and read them. That being said. . .
1. UP UP UP – Do some hill work. Whether you prefer to walk or run, when you hop on that treadmill do some of your cardio uphill. I prefer to run for 5 minutes then walk uphill for 5 minutes (alternating speeds and incline gives you an extra challenge and is extra good for your heart)! I’ve noticed up to a 50% increase on the calories I burn.
2. PICK UP THOSE WEIGHTS. The more muscle you have the more calories you burn ALL THE TIME. Yes, that means if you lift weights 2-3 times a week, you will be burning more calories the whole rest of your week even when you pick up your fork or beer glass. I only do 15-20 minutes of weights a couple times a week. I keep it simple: biceps, triceps, shoulders, back, abs, and obliques. I do 8-10 reps, 2-3 times each. I finish and think, “That took no time!” My arms and ass have definitely noticed the difference. Can’t get to the gym? Keep weights at home!
3. EAT foods with negative calories! I like to eat! How about you? According to lifehacker.com, these 15 foods burn more calories during digestion then they contain. That’s sort of awesome. Here is the list: celery, oranges, strawberries, tangerines, grapefruit, carrots, apricots, lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, watermelon, cauliflower, apples, hot chili peppers, and zucchini. Lots of nutrients and negative calories. Is there something better than this?
4. Do what you love. In the end, if you enjoy a work-out, you’ll do it more which will contribute to your healthy life-style! I personally love to bike, do yoga, and go to the gym, but if for any reason I don’t feel like doing one of those things, I alternate it for something else. Example: ballet class, roller-balding, swimming, running outside, etc. REFUSE TO HATE A PART OF YOUR LIFE. Rule of thumb: do something that makes you sore or makes you sweat everyday. (Yes, that last phrase was adapted from Matthew McConaughey – but he’s so worth repeating.)
by Team AF | Apr 10, 2011
When you find an old journal. . . (Originally written Jan. 10, 2010)
I’ve been writing my entire life. I started when I was 5. I have probably 100 journals completely filled with my hopes, dreams, desires, visions, fears, all the guys I thought I’d marry, and more. When I found this entry from a very different time, written by a different me.. . . I sent it to the guy whom I wrote it about. Years have passed, and we have found ourselves living completely separate lives. . . however, reading it reminded me of how much less cluttered I feel when I get my overly analytical thoughts out of my mind by writing. My ex told me it was beautiful and I promised him I’d start writing again. This one’s for you . . .
June 2007 – – –
“I don’t know what I expected it to be any different than it was any other time we have found ourselves in each other’s arms. It’s like – you love and despise it – you’re intrigued by the chemistry and romance – the way he looks at you and kisses you – kisses you like you’re delicate and if he isn’t careful – you might break. . . Why do I feel so bad the next day? Is it him? Me? We laughed, cried and danced on the beach, but why am I so guilty?! It’s not worth feeling like this the next day. I should have been able to put down my desire to be with him. I shouldn’t have been willing to see him. He wants to meet up again just to enjoy my company and I don’t think i could even have motives that pure – I want to meet up for how he makes me feel. I am going to put down the flesh and go on with life. No, (insert his name), I can’t.”
Isn’t it funny that at every age we reach – we think that everyone who is younger are just babies? I think 19 is young, but when I decided I was in love at 19 years old, I didn’t feel so young. We had it all planned. We would move to Florida, work in ministry, get married, make babies, etc. My church internship was just 45 minutes North of his. We would date just a few more months, and be engaged by the Spring. What could go wrong?! We were in love – and that’s stronger than anything else. . .
From the day I left Tulsa, we saw each other twice in the next year. We didn’t even break up in person. It was the most mundane ending, to the most beautiful love. And I gave up easiest of all. . . but that’s a different life-lesson.
So, back to the journal entry, there we were. . . one year from our break-up. . . middle of the night, on the beach. I don’t remember how we hugged for the first time, or said “hi.” I made the situation complicated as always – I brought a blanket, water, a camera. I acted as ridiculous as possible. I was once very amazing and keeping life from being simple. This never differed him. . . I always felt loved completely.
I remember as I looked at him it was so unusual to me that he still loved me. I could see it so clearly. I could see so much in his eyes, not simply passion, or lust, or desire. He was completely in awe. Completely intrigued. Completely in love. He didn’t care that I broke up with him for a guy who lied and left. He didn’t care that I had settled completely and had given up all my dreams. He didn’t care about any of that. He was a good man – he just wanted to be with me. I have never known someone so good at being in the here and now.
He had called and written and looked for me for a year, and here we were. We sang our song to one another while the waves crashed in the background and water slipped over our feet. We lied on the blanket and laughed. I let him hold me. I let him love me.
Yet, I left thinking that I was wrong, [and sinful – my belief system was quite different then] and that I would not do that again. He “was not good enough for me”. He was not who I “was supposed to be with.”
Here’s the part that shows my age. I still believed in “supposed to.” I walked away that night and didn’t cry. I walked away and believed that a memory like this could be a mistake.
In the weeks following I got on highway 95 South heading toward his house and every single night and ever single night, I turned back around.
I let fear win.
The things of the heart are the dreams that don’t go away, the loves you can’t shake, the things that fulfill you.
I eventually left the world of doing what “is best for you” and found the world of my dreams. In this world there error and spontaneity and sometimes even chaos, but I’m happy. I am on the way to many passions and desires that make me, me. I actually finally get to pursue the things that beat within me. After I read my old journal entry and pondered that night on the night on the beach, I thought about my dreams and desires. You know, the things that God places on your heart, the things that keep you awake at night. When something makes you move, makes you turn South on the highway, makes you want to go to college, makes you want to be in business, open a store, be a psychologist, whatever, you mustn’t write it off a just a dream, or silly fantasy, – it is THE dream, the only one thing that matters. Don’t Ignore It. We must learn what makes us tick and do those things everyday. We can not let fear win. The fear of failure is always worse than failure itself.
This is even true with romantic love. He and I would have broken up anyway, so why not embrace a night of dancing on the beach. . . why not drive to him and dance on the beach every night for a month? Why not let love win. . .
I have since moved on. And found love again, but it’s not the same. Not in a bad or a good way, just in a very different way. This particular love, my first love, is full of far too many stories of doing “what’s right” and ignoring my heart.
I guess the good news is, I’ve learned. I believe in reckless abandon. I am following my dreams. I’ve learned to take a chance on impulses, to let your emotions lead when necessary, and not to fight yourself on matters of the heart. Follow your heart.
